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>> Monday, September 27, 2010

Do not lose heart...

Everywhere I turn, people are pregnant. Everywhere. Some are just popping, some are just announcing, some are just growing. But they are everywhere.

And I am not.


Sometimes it is hard to watch people that are wasteful, irresponsible, and undeserving, prosper. We work really hard. We don't have the latest and greatest. We don't go on vacations. We are (for the most part) responsible with our money, diligent in our tithing, and faithful with our responsibilities.

We are blessed. I know that. But it is hard to see others receive blessings, or bailouts when they don't deserve it.


I try to keep a positive attitude. Try to find the silver lining. But sometimes, just sometimes..........I sulk. Real good. Pout it out.

Tonight, I was sulking. Pouting. Complaining to God. And pouting.


The girls and I took a fast trip to Target to get a few things (including a pregnancy test, and some chocolate, just in case). On the way there, a woman driver got very impatient with the person in front of her, and decided to jerk her car and go around, erratically. Except, we were in the lane next to her. So she swerved and jerked, and I slammed and honked. And swerved. We barely missed what could have been a very bad accident.


And then, it hit me.

I heard that still, small voice. Speak to me.

You may not get everything that you want (or deserve) but think about all of the things that I do that you do not see. Think of all the blessings that you have already. Think of all of the misfortunes, accidents, etc that I save you from. You are blessed.

And then, I got it.

I may not get everything I want. I may not even get what I feel should be compensation for our diligence, faithfulness, and responsibility. But He still takes care of us. He still blesses us in other ways.


Tonight, these are some of the posts that flooded my Facebook feed.
Oh, how He loves you and me.
He cares.

Noel Rusk Culbertson and let us not grow weary in well-doing, for in due season we shall reap, if we do not lose heart. gal 6:9

Ali-Clayton Sandoval Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." -Isa. 30:21

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.
Ps 84:11
Standing on HIS truth today! I know where my help comes from!!!

Ali-Clayton Sandoval ‎"What they don't tell you, the well-intentioned people who quote Bible verses, is that God never promised everything will work out okay in your lifetime, and that each trouble you face will yield a blessing out of all proportion to the pain.                                                
Oswald Chambers wrote that God doesn't promise deliverance from trouble; he promises deliverance in trouble. " ~Somewhere More Holy, Tony Woodlief 

Do not lose heart.....

(P.S. It was negative. Not losing heart. Am eating chocolate)


Allison @ House of Hepworths September 27, 2010 at 9:14 PM  

{{{HUGS}}} I tried for 4 years to have another baby after my daughter (she's 6 now). We did fertility to even get her. We got lucky after over a year and a half to get pregnant with our first (we have 2 kids).
I know it's rough, and hard, and sad and depressing. I totally get it. I hope I can say this in the most affectionate way that doesn't make you feel bad...
At least you were able to have 2! Some people can't have any kids.
I use to pout that I could ONLY have two kids. Then it finally hit me that I should be so thankful and grateful and praising God for giving me two when I could have had none.
But I do know how you feel. Infertility sucks really really hard.
I hope it happens for you soon! For me, I'm done. We are happy with two and have moved on with our family of 4.

Sarah@AlpinePoppy September 27, 2010 at 9:24 PM  

My heart is with you! I have watched three of my sisters announce their pregnancies, while quietly my heart aches. I am sending you hugs and love! thank you for your touching post, I think that it speaks volumes about you that you are able to see the hand of the Lord in your safety. He truly does love us, more than we know.
And by the way, You spread so much sunshine, I think that it is okay for you to sulk, every once in a while :)

♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥ September 27, 2010 at 9:26 PM  

I wish I could comfort you darling, but it sounds like you heard God's voice tonight...which is more comforting than I could ever be..love you lady!

Jenn September 27, 2010 at 9:33 PM  

Hi Amber, I don't remember how I found your blog, but I just love it. I am going through the very same thing right now. It seems as though each day I see another pregnancy announcement, meanwhile I'm praying to have an announcement of my own soon.

I don't understand why I'm not being blessed with getting pregnant, but reading your blog reminds me that I may never know why, but I have to have faith and know that God has a plan. Thank you for reminding me of this. While it probably isn't the intent of your post, it was as though your post was written for me tonight. Again, thank you.

I pray that God blessed you with a child soon. I know the heartache and it's something nobody should have to deal with.

Jen @ tatertotsandjello.com September 27, 2010 at 9:50 PM  

Amber --

I am so glad that you are ok. How scary. I really agree that God was watching out for you and your precious girls.



jojo September 27, 2010 at 9:56 PM  

sometimes we get so wrapped up in the negative we forget to look around us and see the little miracles that happen everyday.

I know your time will come and I pray it will be soon.

Bite of chocolate please?

~ Dawn ~ September 27, 2010 at 11:08 PM  

Oh sweetie....you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are a very lucky woman with a beautiful family and wonderful faith in the Lord. You will overcome this. (((HUGS))) ♥

Brandi. September 27, 2010 at 11:37 PM  

It makes me feel bad to read things like this, because for me, it's a struggle to NOT get pregnant! I just think of having another baby and it happens.

I wish that I could have babies for all the women out there who deserve them so much more than me!

I'm thinking of you and your family tonight. :)

Hormone Queen September 28, 2010 at 5:29 AM  

What God meant when he gave me infertility..

Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive advice. We can list all the most popular ones: Just relax and youll get pregnant, or adopt and youll get pregnant, of the most painful from those who think they've got the goods on Gods plan; maybe God never meant for you to have children. The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.

These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say "Maybe God never meant for you to live." However, because I am infertile, I'm supposed to get on with my life?It's hard to understand that people can not see infertility for what it is; a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, "Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung, or die." What if he'd never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that was Gods plan?

What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?

I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; thats just a fork in the road I'm on. Ive been placed on the road less traveled. I've gained more compassion, deeper courage, greater inner strength on this journey to resolution and I haven't let him down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never have chose infertility, I can not deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice; I'll say "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."

Take hold ladies that God has a greater plan for us as women and as mothers. We are in for the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink we've ever known! Take hold ladies...God will not forsake us!

trippingtiffies September 28, 2010 at 9:24 AM  

I'm 28, have had Endometriosis since my college days and still have flare ups sometimes when I feel like I'm splitting in half. On top of that, the dr. said that people with Endometriosis are less likely to be able to have kids than those without.

I don't know if I'll ever get to have children. I've convinced myself for so many years that I don't need kids (although I LOVE kids) because it's easier to not feel let down since I most likely CAN'T have them. If I tell myself I don't want them, it doesn't hurt (as bad) to know I might never even get the chance.

Beth September 28, 2010 at 4:50 PM  

I'm sorry for your test results. I can relate to your post in another way. No matter what happens I still love the Lord and will continue to trust Him to do what is best for me and my girls.

Steph September 28, 2010 at 5:12 PM  

Try to keep the faith. I have had so many friends try and try and when they finally gave up Surprise the bundle of joy was on the way. So glad you guys are ok.

Journey2Goal September 29, 2010 at 7:37 AM  

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

It will happen when it's in His plan, I pray that God changes your heart to match His ultimate plan for you.
We recently miscarried and I can totally relate to the pain, questions, fear of if/when a pregnancy will be given again. I just keep praying that I will know what His plan is and I will accept it no matter what. Stay strong, and be content with the 2 beautiful children the Lord has blessed you with. :)

Michelle Whitlow September 29, 2010 at 10:56 AM  

Oh my, you have NO idea how much I am with you in this post. I have been thinking the exact.same.things over the last few months. My only brother passed away at 29 just a few months back, I'm going through IVF right now for baby #3 which is kind of a one shot deal for us, our dog died and my mom was in the hospital.

Then I see others who throw away their blessings. I see people who are given a baby and throw it away if it's not 'their' version of perfect. I see people who get pregnant who don't even want it. Yet, those of us who truly want another child and (we feel) are deserving do not get what we want.

It's hard. But thank you so much for this post. I really hope that we both have some wonderful news to share very soon!! And you've certainly brightened my day with hope :)

Mrs.Rotty October 2, 2010 at 8:23 PM  

SOmetimes it takes a wake up call like that to make you realize just how lucky you are.

Although, I bet it is still so hard, I just can't imagine.

My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Kim October 4, 2010 at 7:42 AM  

I have been where you are. My husband and I had been married for six years and tried for 3 or 4 years when we adopted our son. He is 14 years old and a blessing and true gift from God. When he was 4, we decided we wanted a sibling for him and "took out a loan" to adopt again. This time though, my husband felt strongly we should go the fertility route again...just a little further. So we took that loan and sought a specialist. I had some surgery to correct a couple of problems, and my doctor told me "I can't promise your tubes will ever work." I took that to mean I would probably never get pregnant. Every friend who got pregnant, every baby shower invitation I got just broke my heart...and I felt guilty for not being happy for them. I KNEW God had the power to help me become pregant, but I felt He knew better than me the overall plan and perhaps was sparing me from something in the future. I went on about life, having given up the idea of getting pregant. A year later....surprise! I was pregnant. I didn't even believe the pregnancy test I was so shocked! But it worked out, and God blessed us with another wonderful son, who is now 8 years old. There is nothing quite like the pain of infertility....but through this I learned that my ways are not God's ways and especially His timing isn't my timing. My biological child was born with some special needs, nothing horrible, but I don't think that if I had given birth to him at a younger age, I could have handled all that his care has entailed. I am much more mature now, and able to deal with more. I don't pretend to know the mind of God, but I do know He cares for me, and I know he Loves you too. Keep praying and trusting. He knows the desires of your heart.

trooppetrie October 5, 2010 at 3:31 PM  

I needed this today. my baby girl will be 5 next week and it kills me that my body is not making babies.

marykathryn October 6, 2010 at 10:19 PM  

Amber, I discovered your blog after shopping in your etsy store. (I bought the precious little pink trinket dish and the 123 numbered hooks. LOVE them, by the way)

Just wanted you to know that I am praying for you. I know that God makes all things perfect in HIS time from my own experiences, and even though it's hard for us to know this.....truly KNOW it....His plan is perfect. I hope you are comforted by all of these wonderful comments! I have only recently started to blog again and I'm amazed at how God can show us someone who needs our prayers through a blog, of all things. He's just cool like that.

Know that prayers are being sent up for you.

MrsJenB November 21, 2010 at 12:09 PM  

Praying for you, Amber. You're right, God does choose to show us His methods from time to time just when we need it. Like your experience of escaping safely from what could have been tragic. I am so glad you did.

Between our lives being turned upside down by my father-in-law's brain hemorrhage and our having to move in with him (constant reminder to myself: he's still with us and still physically able to care for himself) and the fact that even though my husband SAYS he wants to TTC but his actions don't say the same thing...well, I'm normally a mess inside when I see young couples who are having children, or those who don't have children and are able to live carefree social lives when we have to stay home with Dad.

But there is a plan, and it's waaaay better than anything I could ever imagine. I just need to have faith and push through, and I believe that things will work out both for you and for me. Many, many blessings to you.

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Thanks so much for stopping by! I would just ♥♥♥ to hear what you have to say!

♥ Amber